Before I start my post today, true to my desire to be consistent and accountable I want to start with the weather report: As I told you in an earlier post, I have deemed myself the weather lady and believe that weather is something we can all relate to, all talk about trans-generationally—that and the simple things that make life so good, like my little dog, Spot, and my kitten, Spice, who fill my life with delight.
At the moment, despite it being the 10th of December it is incredibly mild, and the cold spell that I mentioned in a recent post has evaporated into the ether; it was extremely brief. It has been replaced with remarkably mild temperatures for this time of the year, starting last Sunday: a beautiful sunny day with a temperature of around 20 by midday. That was only to be followed in the next few days and up to now with rain and dampness. But the temperatures have remained at around 15-16 degrees!
I love the weather because it’s a universal that we can share with everyone. I’m setting the intention that my posts are read all over the world, so now lots of people know what the weather is like in this tiny corner of the south of France.
Okay, back to business.
I’ve used the title “I wish that...” because recent researchamong hospice caretakers ànd one who wrote a book, Bronnie Ware’s book ,The Five Regrets Of The Dying.revealed that some regrets expressed by the dying could be summed up in five wishes that they hadn’t realized, or let’s say five regrets:
The first was the wish that they hadn’t worked so hard but had taken more time out.
The second was to have stayed more in contact with friends.
The third was to have let themselves be happier.
The fourth was to have refrained from conforming to what they thought they should be or do but instead to have allowed themselves to be their true selves.
And finally, the fifth was to have lived a life true to their dreams.
It does seem a shame to arrive at the end of your life with so many regrets. I think one reason I have always been so interested in exploring the human psyche is to see how we can evolve into the best version of ourselves.
It’s vital that we lead happier lives—and by rebound so will others around us.
It also doesn’t matter what age you are, whether you’re young or old, because until your dying breath you have a life meant to be lived to the full.
Another interesting idea to think about is that although we are always talking about post-traumatic syndrome, which is no doubt normal and comprehensible after a trauma, I believe we need to show victims that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that with the right help we can go from victim to survivor to victor.
We don’t talk so much
about post-traumatic growth, whereby people have turned difficult trauma around and built on it to become shining examples of how we can use trauma to make our lives better. This has led to the victims becoming victors: more focused, no longer feeling doomed to suffer all their lives, giving their lives a new meaning, and getting closer to their families and friends. They became happier and had fewer regrets, fulfilling all the wishes that many dying people regretted having failed to fulfill when they could.
One wonderful example is a woman in South Africa, Alison Botha, who was raped, had her throat slashed 16 times and her abdomen stabbed 32 times, and was left for dying. Something inside of her wouldn’t let her give up, and she managed to crawl onto the road, where a passing car stopped and she was driven to the nearest hospital. Not only did she survive, but she used her story to help other women overcome the trauma of rape when she wrote the book I Have Life: Alison’s Journey. Through the book and talks she helped other rape survivors realize that their life still had purpose and a reason to be. Later her book became a documentary film that has been viewed worldwide.
Alternatively, you can become “poor me,” sustaining the victimization pattern: After all, it’s not your fault you are suffering. It’s the fault of others. Therefore you cannot do anything about it. Victimhood becomes your identity, your story—but what a sad one.
This brings me to another story: Jane Mcgonigal is a young woman who makes video games and believes her games can really help you have a more enjoyable life. She tells how she suffered from a concussion that left her with such severe headaches and vertigo that the doctor ordered her to simply rest: not read, not play video games, not do anything. She suffered from severe depression and suicidal thoughts because life had become so barren.
Finally, she conceived a video game character called “Jane the Slayer,” because she knew that in gaming we tackle challenges more creatively, with more determination and optimism. In her simple role-playing game she had to identify the bad guys—in other words, anything that made the symptoms worse, in her case bright lights or loud noises. There were power ups for doing simple things that made her happy: cuddling her dog, a quick walk around the block, and finally recruiting allies. Although it took a year before her symptoms disappeared, her depression lifted—even with the symptoms, she stopped suffering and her life got better. When she published the game on her blog, it started to help others, who used it to combat pain, to fight cancer, and so on. Jane Mcgonigal is another striking example of turning a situation around, helping herself and inspiring others to do so too. She baptized the game “Getting Better.”
I’d like to finish by saying that the more we practise positive emotions, the more we combat negative emotions and dramatically improve our health.
My mission is to help mature women realize that their lives are just beginning and to know that with the right tools of emotional, physical and mental resilience they can look forward to finding their confidence, health, and well being until “game over.”
Cherryl. I really enjoyed this post. 💕